LOSER

Some days do you ever just feel like the biggest loser on earth???

It just happens to you sometimes?…no?

I have always wondered what it must be like to have amazing self-esteem because it is something that I have to work on a lot. I hate myself most of the time but people would not realise that…the people that are close to me know I give myself the hardest time and if anyone asks me I’m always smiling and saying I’m fine…but sometimes I’m not. Like really not fine.

To others I think I come across confident, head strong, carefree, funny…I could be wrong like and I know I’m probably annoying. Like most days I back myself 100% most days…but some days…I’m just a loser…. living in loserville….

Those days where it just doesn’t go right?…there is some loser-ness in the air…The boys have been ‘difficult’ today and I say it like this because they haven’t been overly naughty as such, just wanting to do their own thing, their own way, in their own time, and giving back chat…which is fine…testing…but fine.

Starts off with porridge in my eyes. I’m a fan of baby led weening..I think it’s that? Is that where you let your baby feed him/herself? I did it with Henry and he eats really well now…I started doing it with Freddie and he has become very head strong and won’t even let me hold the spoon at all now, he has a crazy grip which is okay but he’s not quite there yet so that resulted in porridge everywhere including me and in his curly hair which is like cement now…he also threw ice cream at me in McDonald’s…😬👍🏻

Have you ever got to the super market and forgot your pin??? Or your card had read DECLINED???…..(heart sinks…god damn you Amazon) I decided to do a quiet big shop at Aldi. I had someone to watch the kids so that was nice. I did the shop and got to the till and I couldn’t remember my PIN numbers!!! My head went blank omg! The que was massive and the girl on the TIL was new! I felt terrible. I couldn’t get to my banking app, no signal. I tried to ring tom and various people…no answer! OMG I just stood there like a lemon. I felt like such an idiot…sorted it in the end but then I had to push the trolley up that hill car park and I couldn’t close the boot..the trolley rolled off into the distance!! ARGH WTF I can’t do this anymore.

I didn’t get angry..honest lol I just cried all the way home, ate an Aldi version of peperami and sang along to ‘I want it…I got it…you got it I want it….’ Arianas new track lol. Got home and started having some contractions…oh yeah another baby on the way..I’m such an idiot loser.

I got home and sat down, both my babies came running/practice walking over to me…I smiled…I am so not a loser…I am the luckiest woman on the planet. (Also hormonal, tired, a whale and so ready for this baby now) 🌍💙💕🥰 Xxxx