waiting positively for my smear test today (maybe I can keep my sunglasses on) 🤦‍♀️

Let’s face it they are pretty embarrassing, it’s not like it’s not the first time I’ve had to get my vagina out…I mean I have had three children 🤣 in case you forgot! There is just something about the dreaded smear test lol

BUT you must have it okay!…(yes get your smear test it saves lives even though it’s not very comfortable)

I haven’t blogged much recently

1. Because I’m knackered!

2. My brain cells are like mash potato because of number 1. 😂🤦‍♀️

3. We have been very busy on holidays etc so I can’t complain really!!! 🎉☀️

It’s abit sloppy I guess but Let’s be positive!!! 🙌🏻💕

Life is wonderful and amazing and I am the luckiest person on earth and I have everything and the most beautiful baby boys. I am in my reiki element the energy is flowing. I am my higher self. I am at peace and I am one with life and the world and living in love and love only…

That’s great but also unsustainable when you are living the human experience.

In its simplest form, day to day. I am just a person making the best of it…trying to loose weight…trying to support my husbands career…trying to see family…trying to see friends…trying to keep the house tidy…trying to keep on-top of the washing…trying to not feel down…trying to go to the gym…trying to sleep…trying not to get annoyed…trying not to get bored…trying to get out…trying to stay motivated.

adulting is hard work!

When did I turn into a 31 year old? When did I start moaning…all…the…time (okay maybe don’t answer that one) when did I become the nagging wife?! 🤦‍♀️ …what the hell

I never imagined myself with 3 kids in such a short space of time. Maybe God had some divine master plan for me? There must be something in that? I mean life rarely goes exactly how you planned, intended, imagined…

Somedays. I just don’t want to do it. I’m just not in the mood. I feel so tired, numb and overwhelmed that I have to do this, be responsible. I have to look after this family and sacrifice myself for them. It’s a blessing but I miss the selfish me…I really do. Is that bad to say? I still am abit selfish of course I am. I feel like I’m in a prison sometimes. I want to go out but I can’t… I’m just…too…tired and it feels really really flat. I miss working, I miss my career…I miss having a purpose other than feeding, changing nappies, cleaning food off the floor, dealing with tantrums, risk assessing

every.single.situation.

I went on a hen do recently and it was so good to just get out and be free and be myself. Classic me! I totally over did it…drinking and shots which I clearly can’t handle anymore, even went wild and smoked! (I know it’s terrible). Safe to say I was in a bad way the next day and didn’t get going till about 1600pm. I was lucky enough to stay at my sister in laws house, I would have not been able to Parent that day.

A lady I spoke to gave me some good tips on how to be a ‘positive parent’ and told me to check out positive parenting on facebook. I can positively say that in an ideal world it would make a lot of sense to be that, always. There were some interesting articles about 2 year olds and the terrible twos which helped me to look at things differently and cut the boys some slack in a way that they are just learning and finding their way. Especially Freddie, I keep thinking he is older than he is and buying clothes too big. Henry, on the other hand has been very challenging lately when its comes to eating food. I suppose it’s just a phase and he’s learning his likes and dislikes. He has also developed a little attitude to saying no mostly but when I try discipline him with ‘do you want to go to your room to bed?’ …he says YES mummy! 🙈 what are you supposed to do? ‘Eat your peas or go sit on the stairs OKAY I sit on stairs mummy.’ 😬 ….Try ignoring the bad behaviour?…my little Monty I have to say is the most perfect well behaved charming little baby and no trouble at all so I am very lucky!

A lot of the positive parenting focuses on everything that I have and shouldn’t be doing including bribes and losing my frustration. Trying to stay calm is very difficult sometimes and I feel guilty a lot because I feel like all I am saying is no don’t do that, please stop that, no stop throwing, stop sitting on your brother, stop hanging off the door handles, stop drinking the bath water 🤣🤣

Don’t be fooled by the angelic appearances!

After the hen do blow out (which was much needed). I can honestly say that I missed the boys (including Tom) so much (I know it sounds so soppy). you want to get away and have some peace and soon as you do you want to be right back where you belong…(and after 5 minutes of screaming and crying your wishing you enjoyed your freedom that little bit more haha…) when is the next night out again? Next year?

I have grown up since becoming a mum, you have to. When Henry was born I was so desperately fighting against being an ‘adult’. I was always a bit like that. Giving off the impression of a pampered princess! The truth is I was truly spoilt, we never had loads of money growing up but we were always loved and had most things we wanted. It wasn’t always like that though, there were some really dark times when my parents divorced and growing up, it was difficult.

Having your own children often brings to light past Traumas and also makes you reflect on what your parents must have gone through themselves becoming parents. You stop being the child and you become a person,an adult. They become people just like you and not just mum and dad. My parents were so young when they had me and my sister! Must have been hard. I guess all that is a story for another day.

Although not always positive. I am so Happy, sometimes bored of being sensible, but happy. Sometimes you feel bad because there is nothing wrong with your life but you can feel sad. It could just be a phase as Monty is only 4 months and my body is still recovering. Maybe I’m doing too much and overdoing it, who knows.

It’s a lot less hectic than things were in my 20s and I don’t think I would want to do that again. I feel so much more sure of myself and confident but it has also made me reflect on relationships and friendships that have not always being good for me. I feel more confident in owning my opinions and walking away from unnecessary drama. I enjoy feeling somewhat established and settled with my family, it’s what Ive always wanted.

It’s not always easy and it’s not always Christmas Day….but most days are fun! And somedays are tough but that’s family life. We stick together and support one another.

Having been away recently with friends, it was very rewarding to be told how well behaved they thought our boys were. I felt very proud and also baffled. As their mum I think I worry far too much what others think sometimes and almost strive for perfection as I am naturally a perfectionist. But actually it made me stop and think, she was right they are well behaved, lovely, polite little boys that sometimes liked to throw food and numerous other objects at each other. I guess there is something positive that I must be doing something right? Even though it doesn’t feel like it? I’m positive I’m doing my very best and I think as a parent that’s all you can do. so Whatever tips you read, articles, blogs. It’s all advice…take it or leave it but you know what is best for your kids and your family so believe in yourself. Xxx