Tinder for Mums?…

Tinder for Mums?…

Feeling excluded recently?… you somehow missed the memo?…

So many new mums I speak to have gone through a similar experience. Friends loose touch…it’s so hard to not take it personally and I honestly think it just happens as we get older but it’s not very nice and it’s hard to take especially when you expected your friends to be there and still be part of your life regardless of you having a child.

So this is what has lead me to write this…

Tinder? Why not? Could be a great idea 😂

Naturally when you become a mum life changes a lot and with it your friendships also change. You suddenly become the mum and the one with the baby and to your childfree friends I can only assume you become irrelevant…the one with the baggage?…you soon realise who your true friends are when you go through tough times and you realise it is only a handful. It’s sad but that’s life and I’d much rather have true friends than shit ones. Life goes on…as old friends disappear it makes room for growth and new friendships…perhaps mum friends?

You’ve had a baby and you have settled into motherhood…it’s time to get out there and mingle with the other mamas out there…you join groups…baby massage…chat and small talk but for some reason you never meet your ‘mum tribe’.

It never really happened for me, I’ve never got into a Mum tribe but it must be really nice to do so and I envy people that do.

I’m lucky enough to have my own tribe, who are also mums but my best friends who understand and totally get me for my crazy self,which is great.

It must be very lonely to not have that support when you are a new mum and it’s not always easy to go out and meet new mums because it’s scary!

Call me obnoxious, presumptuous and assuming BUT It’s happened a few times now! I’ve been minding my own…3 kids in and people start reaching out to me. I kindly oblige because I love people, chatting and I see the good in everything and everyone but I never learn..I get burned all too often.

They ask me to meet up..then cancel.

Why ask me?…

Now I admit it, I am one over sensitive, emotional person more so now postpartum and I’ll admit slight irrational (if your my friend you would know this) but it’s who I am…And I won’t change. It allows me to show empathy, understand people, but you also get taken advantage of, take on other peoples shit and soak it up like a sponge. Getting older I’ve managed to deal with that now and have my own tool box for it.

Sensitivity can be a hinderance because sensitive people take things far too personally. some people cancel on you, I get it…I do it as-well haha (get a grip init)…but the truth is people who were assholes…are still assholes, will always be assholes.

Just because they have had kids now and play adults doesn’t make them any different to who they once were (probably why you don’t hang out with them anymore…so why do it when you got a kid?)

oh hey we ain’t friends…but now we got kids oh hey bestie! 🙌🏻 …😂 obviously some people do grow up and you can’t hold grudges…stay with me I have a point… I think (mum blogging 1 month newborn sleep state..0…I don’t know what time, day it is…I dyed my hair pink for the love of humanity!)

Look I’m merely stating what happens when you get pregnant…people become interested in you…no??? And by people I mean people from the past coming out of ghosting you on social media to private messaging and liking all your pics….

Tinder mum profile…

…I’m Steph 31, mum of 3 boys…retired nurse and stay at home mum…seeking mum friends to basically moan to about life, swear a lot and talk about Netflix and hating men (just kidding 😐) lol. I’m still fun (I think), still like to drink and party and I am still me…available for good times if given advanced notice…childcare arranged and I’m not too tired

so mum friends…preference

1. That ain’t assholes

2. That ain’t judgemental

3. That want to talk about things other than children basically

Okay I’m not perfect, truth is I am all 3 of these at times so it doesn’t help 😂 but finding these mum friends…it’s like the dating game…does this cool mum friend even exist you ask yourself? Like in the movies on bad moms…they go round getting pissed in shopping Centers?

(Anyone wanna get smashed in kingsgate Center?… me neither…I’m too knackered.)

Suddenly people from school contact you… a long lost friend out of the blue…your pregnant and so am I now let’s be friends…best friends…and hang out with our babies…

I’ve had it all and like most tinder dates…fake friendships formed for the sake of having babies don’t really work out…I’ve found there are certain types of Mum dating. (For the record I have never snogged any mums)

1. The no show (me)

The mum that has every intention to message you, give you advise, make arrangements with you…but when the time comes to meet they cancel at last minute… it is disappointing…like the guy that always texts but he never meet you for the date because he’s probably got a gf! It’s like these mums…they got their own friends they just want back up to make sure they got a mum friend in their back pocket for back up on the really shit days

2. The mum who thinks she’s superior..because she is pregnant (me)

I was at an appointment the other week and I saw a girl from my childhood. your bound to bump into someone you know in our town. What made me laugh was that she seemed to think she was the only one who was pregnant and important. It oozed from her lol her self importance…she was like this younger so it was no different. I overheard her judging mums for announcing stuff on social media and saying well it won’t be a secret much longer (about her pregnancy) look love we have our own lives your life is not something to be discussed…less than a week later it was on social media 👍🏻

3. The one hit wonder mum (me)

The mum you actually meet up with and hang out with, moan about your life and relationships and then never hook up with again…like any one night stand it leaves you feeling humiliated and worthless…or fulfilled having had your needs met depending on how you look at it. We should do this again sometime…call me?

4. The rock mum (me)

Okay so I have a handful of these mums…my besties. They are perfectly imperfect just like me, they love me and my children and I love them. We spend time together, eat cake, go play-gyms, judge, not judge, be ourselves. It just comes naturally and it’s easy.

5. The competitive mum (and also me)

Speaks for itself, hard not to be isn’t it haha 😂 but it’s healthy as Long as it doesn’t consume you but it can be annoying when so and so’s kid is doing Backflips and yours is still stuck to the carpet.

Jokes aside I think that it’s nice though, a sense of community almost. To go through such a life changing experience and support each other however we can is helpful.

We all get older and people follow their own paths in life so I can’t be bitter and I wish people well I really do. I felt quite alone when pregnant with Freddie. I know just chatting to an old school friend before Freddie was born made me feel not alone and got me through it as daft as it sounds so thank you!! And yes I’m sorry we never met up (I was the no show). Truth is the reality of raising a new born hits in and your expectations and reality aren’t always what it seems..before you know it time goes on and your just tired…had an appointment…you can barely find time for your actual friends let alone new friends…and your confidence truly gets knocked, it’s a lot easier to hide and not socialise because you forget how to do it.

Thank you to all the mums that reached out and supported me and still do. So to all the mums out there let’s pledge to support each other in whatever way we can. Whether it be advice, a meeting that never happens, a kind word, a judgement of myself to make you feel better, a like, a comment, a message.

Parenting is hard enough so it’s nice that we can reach out to each other. I’m going on like I hate it but I love the sense of community when you have grown up and had babies and can share your joy with other mums in the same boat. It makes me feel lucky and part of something.

If you are struggling to meet mums there is a really cool App that I’ve tried called MUSH. It puts you in touch with local mums in the area. There is also the group on Facebook Justformums…which is 9 times out of 10 really useful when used for what it’s for…for support and advice…other times well it can be abit Jeremy Kyle…just my opinion.

There is also a huge online community on Instagram that are really supportive and also websites such as mums.net and google search if you need some advice ever…there are probably loads more so feel free to leave a comment

To my friends I am still here, it’s not that I don’t care it’s because I have 3 babies that take my priority! I’m still here if you need me, available for nights out (once a year) don’t forget me…and if you do well…enjoy life, I will be xxxxx

Postpartum Tantrums

Postpartum Tantrums

Well I’m in the new born phase…my head is in a shed and I feel like I might die I’m So tired. Mentally…not too bad considering…I haven’t had much to even think about other than surviving day by day. I thought I best try and at least write my blog..about something haha…be prepared for even worse spelling mistakes and errors in grammer…😂👍🏻

Unfortunately, I’m not talking about the baby or the boys for that matter in terms of tantrums. In fact they have taken to having a little baby brother very well. Especially when baby bought both Boys a toy story toy. I was surprised at Henry because I thought he would be the jealous one but he has loved it, he’s so helpful and talks about his little Baby at nursery. Freddie on the other hand has been very emotional and does not understand. He smiles at baby but also hits him in the face.

So you expected it to be blissful when you had a baby? but instead you are full of rage? and feel like you just want to hit your husband/partner in the face with a shovel?….no?….

Well you may be relieved to know that postpartum anger and rage is a thing and is not uncommon.

I remember when Henry was first born and I was so annoyed and mad for no reason I wanted to storm out but I couldn’t just storm out now because I was married and had a baby…which only made me more mad. I just wanted to buy a pack of fags and get on a flight to Ibiza! I remember phoning my pal from Sainsbury’s car park contemplating life…’welcome to the world of adulthood girl’. She gave me one of her amazing motivational speeches and I felt like Beyoncé again afterwards but i was totally in melt down mode prior.

It’s the fact that so much changes for you and your body and circumstances change so much more. It’s normal to feel a little resentful towards your partner. Not only that but children do change your relationship dynamic and it’s no wonder that only strong relationships survive these times as it is hard work for both parents adjusting to life with children.

There is never time to talk about things. It’s all about the babies.

You are trying to be you but you can’t be the old you…because you are a mum now and you are so responsible. It can be scary.

I’ve been so chilled out this time round (Tom might disagree 😂)

My main and only rage is the fact that he has suddenly decided to start snoring!!! Like the worst snoring ever…it’s even more intense when you are awake feeding a newborn…makes my blood boil!!! 😂🙈

I have to be rational though because I love my husband very much and he works very hard and he does help in the night after a nudge…

I think we all just need to not be so hard on ourselves and realise that we are doing an amazing job trying to raise tiny humans…it isn’t easy but they won’t be little forever. Embrace that extra cuddle, read the story for the 20th time…get down on the floor and pretend your a donkey whilst your back is giving way…these times won’t last forever and you will miss them when they grow up.

If you have Mum rage…

Go to the bottom of the garden and shout and let it all out… go to the gym if you can get out…try eat better and resist the pound bags of chocolate buttons (easier said that done). Don’t torture yourself or beat yourself up about it, if it becomes unhealthy in terms of wanting to harm yourself or others you should definitely seek help and advice from midwife, GP, counsellor, family and friends. You do not have to suffer alone xxx

(I have just found out that my clever husband has passed his exam!!! Must be all them good nights sleep he’s been having! Jokes aside though we could not be prouder. Well on his way to becoming a consultant. Go dada! 🙌🏻💕xxxx)

Postpartum Recovery: What they don’t tell you about…

Postpartum Recovery: What they don’t tell you about…

Everybody talks about the baby when your pregnant and how amazing it will be when the babies born! But know one ever talks about the reality. For everyone it is different and we all will experience different recovery’s depending on our individual journeys but here are a few things I wish I would have known before I gave birth that I think would have helped knowing and been prepared for.

I’ve made it to 36 weeks now. It has gone so fast and seems to get faster each pregnancy. Around this time it all gets very real and you think a lot about the labour and when baby is born how life might be. It is a mixture of excitement and anticipation and obvious nerves but you get to the point where you can’t wait to meet baby and that supersedes all.

I can remember being a brand new mum and not knowing what to expect at all. One thing I wish I would have known about was what you go through after your baby is born. Everybody seems to talk about how amazing it is and no one wants to talk about the other stuff. I feel that if I had known about it before I might not have felt so vulnerable and off my head as it were the first time with Henry. I would have known it was normal….

Like when you believe in Santa Claus and you find out he ain’t real (Sorry I take it back he is real kids…) but it’s not Christmas Day everyday now is it…

It’s magical it is!…honest.

Okay so the things they don’t tell you…

1. You will leak from every oraphice. Now someone I worked with did mention this to me but I didn’t realise the extent of it. I mean I understood that I would have breast milk but I didn’t realise it leaked out everywhere! Please do not under estimate breast pads, stock up. Also other padding for down there…there will be blood for a few days/weeks after.

2. You will be mentally unstable. I’m sure I’m not alone in this but when I was in the hospital for a few days I felt secure knowing that the midwives were at hand and I was getting used to the new baby. As soon as I was allowed to go home it felt very weird getting into the car and arriving back home for the first time. I remember having a house full when we arrived back and it was overwhelming! It was nice but it was too much. My first birth was really traumatic and I was all over the place. I felt like I was in a dream and my mother in law was cooking hallumi which was great but I just burst out crying.

3. You will be exhausted. There is tired before kids…pregnancy tired…then there is the real tired…newborn baby tired. The type of tiredness that you could never imagine. The type of tiredness that makes you want to slap yourself silly for ever saying you were ever tired Pre-child. The type of tiredness where you wish you would have rested more and took more naps like people said instead of thinking shut the hell up. It will become your norm though so don’t worry…and your body can survive on very little sleep surprisingly! Coffee is your best friend…

4. You may have swollen legs. I had an epidural so afterwards I had to have a catheter in and be monitored. I also had a spinal and couldn’t move for 8 hours post theatre. When I got home my legs felt like Jelly. And my feet were huge! Make sure you wear the ted stockings they give you, they really help with the initial water retention. If you decide to have a bath make sure help is around…I got stuck lol I was just so weak…

5. Breast feeding can be hard work. I did try stick with it but if you go onto bottle don’t worry about it!!! I struggled and hated myself for not liking it. I was exhausted and felt like a cow. This is just me though and I know some mums are amazing at it and take to it well. I don’t think it makes no difference in my opinion in terms of bonding and it is such a controversial subject. I have so much respect for woman that can breast feed, if you can do that great! I couldn’t…I felt self conscious and didn’t have a good milk supply and my babies were hungry. I did it for a while and drove myself insane with the pressure but the only pressure was from myself. Everyone had an opinion! But In the end I did what I thought was best for my baby. If you bottle feed good for you! We should support each other whatever way we feed our children and celebrate our differences. Do not feel pressured to do anything you feel uncomfortable with.

6. You will feel a roller coaster of emotions…euphoria….numbness…confusion…scared…all of this is normal considering you have gone through a trauma to your body giving birth, sleep deprivation and a new born. It’s tough. Make sure you rest when you can and have support around you. It’s okay to feel tired and sad and like you are not enjoying your new found motherhood. Sure it is amazing! Of course you love your baby but don’t be out of sorts if it isn’t as magical as you thought it would be…depression could set in at anytime and it might not be at first because you have so much adrenaline pumping around…it could be a few weeks or months after..also you may have baby blues that normal and doesn’t automatically mean you are depressed but try keep an eye on your emotions and talk to people who are your support don’t be alone. I tried to put on a brave face and shut everyone out…it doesn’t help just makes you feel worse. So just be mindful of how you are feeling.

7. The come down -once the hype has died down and the novelty of the new baby wears off…reality checks in…for some it comes a lot sooner..the partner goes back to work…people stop coming around as much and it’s you and your baby and yes you are responsible for keeping this little precious baby alive…FOREVER!!!!!!!The responsibility!!! OMG..you may freak out but don’t worry you can do it and…well you have to do it because your a mum now. But you are totally capable and CAN do it. You are a good mum! Your babies don’t need you to be perfect they just need you! That’s all they want, you are their world. Are they fed? Are they clean? Are they loved? Are they alive?…Great your doing a good job, the rest isn’t important, so don’t worry.

8. Things WILL get easier. I promise you.

9. You will feel like yourself again…kind of…but you will always be a mum now and it’s hard some days and others not but it will all be worth it.

10. Get out of the house, it may be the last thing you want to do but even if you get some fresh air, go to the supermarket, see a friend, you will feel better and it will break up the day.

11. I didn’t really want to mention this one but I will….the ‘poo fear’…it is a thing…when you know…you know…grit your teeth and bare it. 🙈👍🏻

12. Your thick pregnancy hair may fall out…Don’t panic

13. You will want to ‘do it’ again…surprisingly…and it’s not as bad as you think lol

14. Your boobs will never be the same, embrace your new hot mum bod!

15. Do your pelvic floors…it’s hard to remember but it will help with your urinary incontinence (did I mention you leak from everywhere…pad up)

With my second birth it was a lot easier! And the recovery was a lot better. I was much more aware of my emotions and got help. Don’t try rush back to normal life because it will never be the normal you once had. Just give yourself time to adjust. Don’t put pressure on yourself to go on a crash diet and loose baby weight. Give yourself 6 weeks at least before you go back to exercise and wait for your GP review. If you are not wanting to get pregnant again anytime soon make sure you talk to the midwife at the hospital or your GP at your check up. Life does get super busy so try and be organised and take care of yourself because it is still important. You might not feel like it but you are important and have to be okay to be able to look after your baby.

I hope I haven’t scared any new mums too much 🙈🙌🏻 . This is just my experience as well so it may be completely different for you. Take care, take a deep breath, look after yourself and enjoy the journey! They are not tiny babies for long (everyone says this to you when it’s hard and you will eye roll…but it’s true! Take it all in, they are not babies for long) xxxxx

Here are some links for post-partum survival

https://goo.gl/images/EG1Cwt

LOSER (a short Friday story)

LOSER (a short Friday story)

LOSER

Some days do you ever just feel like the biggest loser on earth???

It just happens to you sometimes?…no?

I have always wondered what it must be like to have amazing self-esteem because it is something that I have to work on a lot. I hate myself most of the time but people would not realise that…the people that are close to me know I give myself the hardest time and if anyone asks me I’m always smiling and saying I’m fine…but sometimes I’m not. Like really not fine.

To others I think I come across confident, head strong, carefree, funny…I could be wrong like and I know I’m probably annoying. Like most days I back myself 100% most days…but some days…I’m just a loser…. living in loserville….

Those days where it just doesn’t go right?…there is some loser-ness in the air…The boys have been ‘difficult’ today and I say it like this because they haven’t been overly naughty as such, just wanting to do their own thing, their own way, in their own time, and giving back chat…which is fine…testing…but fine.

Starts off with porridge in my eyes. I’m a fan of baby led weening..I think it’s that? Is that where you let your baby feed him/herself? I did it with Henry and he eats really well now…I started doing it with Freddie and he has become very head strong and won’t even let me hold the spoon at all now, he has a crazy grip which is okay but he’s not quite there yet so that resulted in porridge everywhere including me and in his curly hair which is like cement now…he also threw ice cream at me in McDonald’s…😬👍🏻

Have you ever got to the super market and forgot your pin??? Or your card had read DECLINED???…..(heart sinks…god damn you Amazon) I decided to do a quiet big shop at Aldi. I had someone to watch the kids so that was nice. I did the shop and got to the till and I couldn’t remember my PIN numbers!!! My head went blank omg! The que was massive and the girl on the TIL was new! I felt terrible. I couldn’t get to my banking app, no signal. I tried to ring tom and various people…no answer! OMG I just stood there like a lemon. I felt like such an idiot…sorted it in the end but then I had to push the trolley up that hill car park and I couldn’t close the boot..the trolley rolled off into the distance!! ARGH WTF I can’t do this anymore.

I didn’t get angry..honest lol I just cried all the way home, ate an Aldi version of peperami and sang along to ‘I want it…I got it…you got it I want it….’ Arianas new track lol. Got home and started having some contractions…oh yeah another baby on the way..I’m such an idiot loser.

I got home and sat down, both my babies came running/practice walking over to me…I smiled…I am so not a loser…I am the luckiest woman on the planet. (Also hormonal, tired, a whale and so ready for this baby now) 🌍💙💕🥰 Xxxx

Play-gym Survival Guide

Play-gym Survival Guide

Playgym survival guide

And so it was…they felt like they couldn’t stay home any more…but what to do?……..they searched for answers……in what was left in their new morphed mum minds….. then it came to them…a gift from…above?!….Ahhh…. the PLAYGYM…a strange but friendly place where you can give your babies a distraction, entertainment and exercise…or….a place where mummy can get out the house and feel semi-normal/part of society again, feel valid and enjoy a coffee…a panini and some adult conversation whilst not feeling judged whilst the children roam around.

Play-gym is an essential part of mum life (for me anyway) resisted it at first but soon realised that the play gym is definitely your friend. you just gotta get a feel for the establishment that’s all…

Shop around…mix it up…change the scene and become a pro..

If you are an amateur play-gym goer (like me)…

Here’s some top tips or simple rules as it were…

1. check out the parking situation

Some places had adequate parking…some don’t…some are on main roads…some parking is full of puddles and stones…be careful out there.

2. to pram or not to pram…that is the question

will youngest need a sleep or not? Can you be arsed to take the whole Pram and nothing but the kitchen sink…or do you risk just the car seat (yeah but my arm aches and henry runs off..?) why do so many play gyms have stairs????!

3. go with your mum friend

Or not….but it’s harder without and you never know If you might need back up if your toddler decides to go in the big boys play gym…(not easy doing ninja warrior moves whilst holding your 11month old and carrying a pregnant belly at 5 meter altitude…then the only way down is the fastest slide ever… and your wearing tights…and they polished it….😳😬)

4. Be vigilant…observe your child closely. Goes without saying…..but no matter how much you keep an eye on some children they still manage to crawl to the cafe out of the crash matts or up the stairs past all of us (Freddie) also don’t let your kid steal drinks from the cafe or other peoples drinks….(Henry)…it’s frowned upon.

5. bring adequate change to buy a lizard…sponge toy…sponge ring….Weird ball. If your going to use the grabber bring your A game…they are tricky little suckers 😂

6. Nappy or not to nappy

This one ain’t always easy if your potty training and trying to impress. You got to weigh up the risk of a turd in the ball pool and the whole place closing for decontamination vs asking your kid if he needs a wee every 5 minutes…its your call

7. You are not there to child mind other children …yeah that was weird last week… we seemed to have acquired more children than we came with. It’s nice to be supportive and we all watch out for each other but when you got 3 kids crying on your lap not knowing where mummy and daddy is it’s time to get real.

8. Feeding time at the zoo

Yes there maybe some mess and some food thrown…but guess what…it’s allowed here!…you are safe and it’s acceptable…you are at the play-gym cafe! Enjoy…but if you see a mum throwing a hot chocolate all over the table (clumsy cow🙈…it was me btw..I’m really not judgemental lols) that kind of behaviour needs reporting. (We shouldn’t waste hot drinks..also a hazard)

9. Let your pregnant pal rest 😂🙏🏻

You know who you are……

Hey mums they gotta rest when they can it’s every mum for themselves…stop been pregnant all the time 😂😂😂hahaha

10. Don’t Get into an argument with parents…if there is an altercation with your child and another…and it’s your child’s fault, acknowledge, apologise and move on….(my kid is not a violent criminal with an intention to cause harm…he is 2 years of age and has just worked out how to blow his nose….Whatever you do don’t pretend your kid ain’t yours if something goes down….(course I’ve never done this 😂)…if a child attacks your child stay calm and be understanding whilst trying not to slate the kid and been a good adult human setting an example…you dunno where his parents are lurking and it’s not your job to sort them out it’s their parents… okay.

11. If in doubt…always go for the chicken burger..I dunno why but they always taste really good in a play-gym….you will understand… trust me…

I hope you enjoyed my play-gym guide and I wouldn’t take it seriously…if anything it’s something to read or not do 😂… I am no expert and I sure as hell am winging this whole mum thing so each to their own.

Play gyms are a fun day out for sure, don’t be scared to venture out and try it no matter how hard it is to leave the house ….just try it momma 🙌🏻💕xxxx

Long Gone Thong

Long Gone Thong

Long gone thong…

I found a picture of myself 4 years ago! I looked hot as! (in my opinion) damn it I was chizled and had abs haha I wish I’d of appreciated it more at the time…(Okay I admit it…this is not my booty obvs!)

Now I’m the size of a house end and wonder I will ever get into a leather skirt again. Will I ever not wear Big Bridget Jones knickers? When did I transition into choosing comfort over looking sexy.

At school it was the in thing to wear a thong and we would pull them right up our back to make a statement. Every Thursday me and my friend would go to top shop and buy the 3 for 2 thongs before band practice…we were so cool. You wouldn’t catch me in a thong now, it would get chewed up by my butt cheeks and have the appearance of dental floss.

It’s a funny thing because your body changes so much after having a baby. And yes I do look back and think oh how lovely and slim I was…but I was never happy with my body. I wasn’t unhappy and I’ve never really been bothered for dieting or ever overly obsessed about it…I just got on with it.

But 3 kids later….the first time in my life I feel like I’m a proper adult woman and I understand that you can’t just eat what the hell you want and get away with it.

I mean I used to eat a KFC probably every other day and never even think about it…not cool at all lol (who am I kidding pretty much still do, don’t do it kids)

Saying all this and thinking yes my boobs are now like dogs ears…

When you have had babies you don’t really have time to think about your self as much but it gives you a weird confidence in a way. I know it sounds daft but it does. It’s like the focus isn’t on you but the babies so it’s less pressure in a way and it’s a given because you have had kids.

Of course I have had my melt downs. After Freddie was born I went into JD sports and tried on some Adidas leggings which when I put them on turned from black to see through. Tom spent the next half hour sat on a bench with me in Kingsgate where I sobbed uncontrollably because of my fat saggy arse body. ‘But Stephy….you did only have a baby a week ago?!….’ 😂😂😂

Since then I’ve got pregnant again and been pregnant for the last 5 years (okay Tom I will amend..slight exaggeration…more like 3 years as i didn’t know Tom 5 years ago nor do I have a 5 year old son) I’m not even sure what my body is anymore, when not pregnant. I dunno what size I am, dunno my bra size.. I tend to just go for the baggy look and live in leggings. Your perception in your mind becomes distorted because to you…you are still you…yes you are different but you are still you. I think that’s part of the struggle for mums post-partum, it’s feeling sense of yourself again. I think it’s perfectly normal, if only we talked about it more.

I am happy with my body though and don’t feel the pressure quite as much as a 30 something Mum. Even on holiday I don’t care that I have a belly, I feel quite proud and mum like an adult lol. I always think I try and look nice and I’ve gone back to feeling the same now. I will do slimming world after this baby and try get my shape back and be healthier but it isn’t my main focus.

What I’m trying to say is don’t beat yourself up momma, be proud of your body and who you are because you are just as beautiful. Can you relate?

I probably won’t have time to eat running around after 3 babies anyway….

Pray for me 😂💕🙏🏻 xxxx

….Loved Sisqo

The Secret Seven

The Secret Seven

1.One taught me dignity

2.One taught me love

3.One taught me fun

4.One taught me repulsion

5.One taught me loss

6.One taught me he’s too tight to buy me a McDonald’s (game over)

7.One taught me a love that’s here to stay

We all have a past and sometimes it comes back to haunt us and we don’t even know why. I think as we get older we are trying to make sense of it all. You get to the point where you just don’t want drama and when you think of all the times you got caught up in stuff..if only you could of had a word with your younger self and been like ‘what you doing?!?’…we live and learn I guess and it would be a-bit boring if nothing ever happened that wasn’t in the ‘ grand scheme’ of things now would it?

So I’m turning…30 again this year because I’m in a pack that I’m not getting older and I’m not celebrating my birthday until I turn 40 which will be never because I’m 30….

Anyway it just makes you think about how fleeting life is and how you really sometimes didn’t appreciate the ‘good old days’ as much as you should have.

Chatting to my sister down in Exeter about times when we used to go out and oh how we laughed but at the time we were more or less in a permanently drunk state crying over who had dumped us this time…which is basically what most of our friends were doing and partying it up. Little did we know these days were the building blocks to who we are now and they were without a doubt hilariously funny…but at 30…would I do it all again?! I actually like where I am now. I like going for a coffee and watching crime dramas…yeah it’s not as cool but it’s a lot more fulfilling.

It’s safe to say I suffered a lot of heart break and not just from been dumped by boys …(I wasn’t always dumped) but also by friendships that just somehow grow apart. A lot of the time there isn’t a reason for it and life takes us all on our own journeys. I am so thankful for everything past and present in my life…all the mistakes only made me stronger. I’m thankful for all my relationships and what people good and bad have taught me.

All I know and have learnt it that time is a great healer but is also so precious so don’t waste your time on regrets, revenge, guilt, what ifs…because you will miss it all. Have faith in that you are exactly where you need to be at any given time, be grateful for what you have and be happy because this too won’t last…

Thank you…next 🙌🏻💕

The Mum Matrix

The Mum Matrix

The world social media and ‘mum blogging’ has me hooked and it’s serious game. Who would of thought that there was a whole other alternate universe of online mum phenomenon with its own rules and possibilities…it’s endless. I never realised this whole other realm existed, it’s crazy there are so so many Mum bloggers out there all doing their own thing.

I’ve learnt so much about social media recently…especially Instagram in terms of engagement, algorithm (yes🙄)…ever heard of looping? engagement groups? … the Instagram police or Instagram Jail?

Jail?! ME NEITHER but I’m part of a few now (not jails…groups) and they are really inspiring mums from all other the world sharing their stories and supporting one another in business and it’s great all be it a tad addictive.

Okay it’s time to address the issue and face the facts….my ears are burning. Yes friends this is my written apology to you all for been as annoying as hell and clogging up your Instagram with ‘loop’ pages after loop pages, not the mention the cute photos of the boys! But this Mum blogging gig….it’s quite…well serious if you want to keep in and grow your account haha. I would like to thank you true friends for staying loyal and not unfollowing me haha (unlike some who have and I know who you are, Yes I’ve got this very strange app…something else i picked up in this blogging world)

I was really surprised and naive when I started it but am overwhelmed with the love and support shown and have helped a few mums out and met some really cool mums from across the world. Funnily enough where ever you are in the world mums share the same struggles and it’s nice to know you are not alone.

Well I’ve been going with my blog page for a couple of months and without realising I have entered into a world of Mum blogging, business mums, entrepreneur mums….it’s a big club out there and highly competitive…did you no you can actually make a few quid blogging…well I didn’t. Anyway I thought I’d participate…

Little did I know that I was going to become a ‘looper’ yes it’s an active way toGain more followers, more engagement on Instagram and lead to good things I hope…

I know it’s not politically correct but some mums out there are literally loopy and quite mean. They take this Instagram thing really seriously and its like a minefield. You don’t get post on time and your blocked…it’s dog eat dog. I’ve had people have ago at me for not posting something (sorry I was having my tea….Hun it’s 0400am uk time what?!) it is entertaining though and fun. It’s good meeting new mums.

I’ve only had a couple of creeps because it does make me worry about posting loads about the boys and who could be looking at them…just got to be careful online. If there is any mums out there wanting to give blogging ago I would say go for it! If I can do it so can you and it’s keeps your mind busy.

my husband reminded me lately that I post so many pics of the kids and while I think they are amazingly cute and adorable and think you must need to see this in your life I’m perfectly aware that it can also be annoying as fuck

If I’m honest before kids I used to actually despise it like think it was sad. Omg posting pics of your kids is that all you do all day…oo look at some spaghetti and mess on his face….and….yeah it’s not funny and looks gross lol it is to you but not to your normal childfree pals (no offence please I mean no harm) haha

My photos used to have a beer or wine in hand, so most probably thought I was borderline alcoholic…I would refer to myself more a free sprit good time girl! 😂🙌🏻…now I have….a child in my hand…well 2 children and I dunno how I’m going to hold the third lolol

In the words of Demi levato…sorry…(I’m not sorry) lolol but I appreciate it all the same. I am surrounded by nothing but beautiful yet bonkers children who have become my world now… and my posts weren’t that interesting before anyway…

Seriously though if any of you mums fancy giving it ago, you should go for it. It’s a-bit a fun if anything.

Here is a pic of a burger I ate instead 😂🙌🏻 (jokes) ….bona petite baby! Xxx

Mum files part 2: bent neck lady

Mum files part 2: bent neck lady

Mum files part 2: bent neck lady

So I’ve just started watching the haunting of hill house. I know the hype has died down over this but I wasn’t cool or brave enough to watch it at the time. You see I’m trying to conquer my fear of labour and what better way than to watch a scary series (or hold a pillow and watch clips while listening) than to Face the fear of mine…scary films

Ever since I was a child I have never been able to cope with scary films I have such a vivid imagination.

In term of Henry I have not heard anything else about the ‘dead cock’ ghost so I assume he was just trying to say clock. However we were in the car the other day and he started to say ‘bye house, bye car, bye dead grandma….wtf who?!?

Sorry Henry dead grandma…what’s she called …’erm dairy polly?!’ Whattttt lol

Then the other night he said he saw dead grandad in the living room and he was blue…….wtf 😳😳😳😳😳

It’s a week later now and I’ve just got over the bent neck lady, I thought I’d take a dig into the old series of Luther now after watching the new one! (So good) it’s amazing how much of the story you forget! Thought I’d try something abit more light hearted 😂👍🏻

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate IDRIS

And again….

Not scared now 🙌🏻💕😂 xxxx

Little Big

Little Big

Little big

I was sat watching the the vote in parliament last night and I know the majority didn’t vote in favour of Theresa and her deal. I don’t claim to understand any of it but on a basic level it just seemed like a circus, I mean have people just lost it?! What happened to the government working together?! I don’t think what we are seeing is anything new but it just seems that the point is completely missed.

Theresa May, I don’t know what she has or hasn’t done. I don’t particularly agree nor do I disagree but when you strip it all back she is a woman doing her job for the country to the best of her ability…and we can not claim to have any infinity to how she has or is doing her role because we are not in her position and are only fed what we know through the media. How can we possibly have a positive outcome if we are fighting amongst ourselves. We need to find common ground. I feel sorry for her.

I dunno how or why but this topic got me thinking about how we are as people and as adults….we are so offended these days by everything and everyone…we are so disconnected in a way from each other that we cannot see the bigger picture sometimes. Are we all just children trying to be adults still?! I mean when do you become an adult?! When you reach a certain age…when you legally reach a milestone….this concept of time is something we created.

To me we are who we are, we are a product of our beliefs, childhood, experiences, DNA the list goes on.

we only know how to be by being who we are and not one person is the same. So what is an adult?

I think a lot of us are just lost children trying to find our way through life, to find meaning and purpose. But what if this thing called adulthood restricts us from reaching our goals and what we are supposed to be.

We can learn a lot from our children and I believe we do as parents. The one thing that we don’t seem to be as worried about as children is FEAR or what might be. FEAR of the future and the consequences of our actions. Children are fearless most of the time in that sense, they live in the moment and appreciate life. What if we could keep this idea as adults? would we be more forgiving? more fearless?more…happy?

Are we all just children still trying to role play at adults?!

When I was 16 years old I thought I knew it all and that I had reached the peak of my existence. For as long as I can remember I think this is the last time I can remember not feeling anxious and worried about anything. I had no cares, yeah I had responsibilities. I had always tried to have a part time job but Tesco express wasn’t going to stop me from going to Falaraki for a week with my mates…safe to say I rang in sick from the pool side 😂🙈. Now I’m not proud of this but god did we live it up and have a good time!….I would never dream of doing this as an ‘adult’ haha. But that’s the thing we all put so much pressure on ourselves to conform and be ‘perfect people’. We are fundamentally flawed, human and I think that is the best thing about us all.

I Thought as you got older you became more confident… it’s true to some extent but you are still the same person just a-bit wiser…..but still clueless as to what the hell its all about. What is this FEAR all about though? Fear of rejection…fear of death?!….fear of ourselves?…no we can’t live this way let’s be honest. We will all die someday (sorry but it’s true and we shouldn’t be worried or scared about it) Instead we should make it count and try make the world a better place. I believe we were put on this earth to help others and however we do that I dunno but what if we all did help each other…it’s a nice ideal.

Maybe we can learn a lot from our children…about forgiveness, innocence, humility, jealousy, love, hate, anger, joy, honesty, right, wrong and maybe the key is to try live in the child state where time feels forever. Like when you were in the car and kept asking ‘are we there yet?’…..not yet…it’s kind of ironic how as children we are so quick to grow up and play at adults all the time…yet we get there we still don’t know what we are doing and get it wrong sometimes as real adults.

I think we have to learn to work together and unite and somehow tolerate each other more and embrace difference. I feel like I’m becoming some sort of preacher?! Haha

But it’s just been on my mind, this pregnancy tends to be making me think all sorts…next thing I’ll be going on about world peace!!! 😂

But it’s food for thought I guess and I do fear for the future and what’s to come if we carry on living in a society where we simply don’t care about people anymore ( I know it’s not always the case).

Will Brexit ever be sorted out?!….we are not there yet. Maybe we should ask the children/adults of the future what they would want?….