Transitional crisis stage aka a dogs dinner

Transitional crisis stage aka a dogs dinner

Train your child like a dog they say? A documentary that’s on tonight and has brought about much controversy…what are your views?

I think it’s a mum who has just about tried anything to help and thought why the hell not? I suppose the use of positive reinforcement and reward could be of good use in a child’s development in some respect, other aspects of dog training perhaps not and surely we cannot compare our children to dogs!! How morally absurd, unethical and categorically unacceptable (are some views) call social services? …

An untrained dog will get over excited, pee everywhere, ruin your furniture, drool a lot, make a mess and leave little poo’s on the carpet… and toddlers don’t do that at some point in their little lives huh?!

I don’t agree with it, I don’t agree with training your kid like a dog. But I’m going to hear the girl out she might have some transferable skills.

Its very coincidental that this morning I’ve just had to purchase a tall pet/baby gate. I dunno what else to do to stop the kids running around the house at night and I don’t want to raise my voice anymore, when you loose it, it just doesn’t help the situation or help anyone, plus they thrive on your lack of control and laugh hysterically while trying to climb you and get you to play horse 🐎

For me I feel it is a very stressful time for our little family. The pressure is constant, probably heightened by the fact I’ve stopped taking Citalopram but I’m riding it out.

We have a lot going on at the minute

Henry starting school in September (kindergarten)

Freddie is climbing out the cot and climbing everywhere and jumping everywhere and throwing himself everywhere

Monty has being poorly and is teething, and weening

This combination is lethal. Having 3 children under 3 is very very hard. I estimated it would be, but I completely underestimated this stage. I did not see it coming. We are trying to keep it together as a family unit but it really is testing.

Our Third child in and you may be pleased to know that we finally have the child that does not sleep…yes the smugness is diminishing.

You may also like to know that my sturdy, fall proof nighttime routine that I had worked tirelessly to perfect has had some challenges lately to say the least.

Our now 18month old can no longer be contained within the cot and has taken to doing WWE stunts out of the cot frame onto the floor. My soon to be 3 year old has discovered he can open his bedroom door and come down stairs numerous times to finish conversations and ask the question ‘what are you doing’ and ‘mummy can I just’ we also have a 5 month old in the mix currently teething, getting over a chest infection and beginning to ween and NOT SLEEPING.

Its overwhelming that I once was in control of this sleep routine and now Im out of control and don’t have a clue what to do, these children are taking over I need to stay calm and gain order again somehow. I need super-nanny!

Can I get a lock on the bedroom door? I can’t contain them like ‘dogs’ can I?

Train your baby like a dog airs tonight on channel 4 8pm despite 1000s signing a petition to have it cancelled. Will you be watching tonight?

Should be very interesting…I fancy a change from the handmaids tail..it’s getting even more depressing if that can be true. It makes me realise that my life isn’t as hard as ofFred/ofJoseph. even though my face is pretty much like hers …most of the time now

Remember a child is for life, not just for Christmas and dogs too for that matter…

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Positively Parenting

Positively Parenting

waiting positively for my smear test today (maybe I can keep my sunglasses on) 🤦‍♀️

Let’s face it they are pretty embarrassing, it’s not like it’s not the first time I’ve had to get my vagina out…I mean I have had three children 🤣 in case you forgot! There is just something about the dreaded smear test lol

BUT you must have it okay!…(yes get your smear test it saves lives even though it’s not very comfortable)

I haven’t blogged much recently

1. Because I’m knackered!

2. My brain cells are like mash potato because of number 1. 😂🤦‍♀️

3. We have been very busy on holidays etc so I can’t complain really!!! 🎉☀️

It’s abit sloppy I guess but Let’s be positive!!! 🙌🏻💕

Life is wonderful and amazing and I am the luckiest person on earth and I have everything and the most beautiful baby boys. I am in my reiki element the energy is flowing. I am my higher self. I am at peace and I am one with life and the world and living in love and love only…

That’s great but also unsustainable when you are living the human experience.

In its simplest form, day to day. I am just a person making the best of it…trying to loose weight…trying to support my husbands career…trying to see family…trying to see friends…trying to keep the house tidy…trying to keep on-top of the washing…trying to not feel down…trying to go to the gym…trying to sleep…trying not to get annoyed…trying not to get bored…trying to get out…trying to stay motivated.

adulting is hard work!

When did I turn into a 31 year old? When did I start moaning…all…the…time (okay maybe don’t answer that one) when did I become the nagging wife?! 🤦‍♀️ …what the hell

I never imagined myself with 3 kids in such a short space of time. Maybe God had some divine master plan for me? There must be something in that? I mean life rarely goes exactly how you planned, intended, imagined…

Somedays. I just don’t want to do it. I’m just not in the mood. I feel so tired, numb and overwhelmed that I have to do this, be responsible. I have to look after this family and sacrifice myself for them. It’s a blessing but I miss the selfish me…I really do. Is that bad to say? I still am abit selfish of course I am. I feel like I’m in a prison sometimes. I want to go out but I can’t… I’m just…too…tired and it feels really really flat. I miss working, I miss my career…I miss having a purpose other than feeding, changing nappies, cleaning food off the floor, dealing with tantrums, risk assessing

every.single.situation.

I went on a hen do recently and it was so good to just get out and be free and be myself. Classic me! I totally over did it…drinking and shots which I clearly can’t handle anymore, even went wild and smoked! (I know it’s terrible). Safe to say I was in a bad way the next day and didn’t get going till about 1600pm. I was lucky enough to stay at my sister in laws house, I would have not been able to Parent that day.

A lady I spoke to gave me some good tips on how to be a ‘positive parent’ and told me to check out positive parenting on facebook. I can positively say that in an ideal world it would make a lot of sense to be that, always. There were some interesting articles about 2 year olds and the terrible twos which helped me to look at things differently and cut the boys some slack in a way that they are just learning and finding their way. Especially Freddie, I keep thinking he is older than he is and buying clothes too big. Henry, on the other hand has been very challenging lately when its comes to eating food. I suppose it’s just a phase and he’s learning his likes and dislikes. He has also developed a little attitude to saying no mostly but when I try discipline him with ‘do you want to go to your room to bed?’ …he says YES mummy! 🙈 what are you supposed to do? ‘Eat your peas or go sit on the stairs OKAY I sit on stairs mummy.’ 😬 ….Try ignoring the bad behaviour?…my little Monty I have to say is the most perfect well behaved charming little baby and no trouble at all so I am very lucky!

A lot of the positive parenting focuses on everything that I have and shouldn’t be doing including bribes and losing my frustration. Trying to stay calm is very difficult sometimes and I feel guilty a lot because I feel like all I am saying is no don’t do that, please stop that, no stop throwing, stop sitting on your brother, stop hanging off the door handles, stop drinking the bath water 🤣🤣

Don’t be fooled by the angelic appearances!

After the hen do blow out (which was much needed). I can honestly say that I missed the boys (including Tom) so much (I know it sounds so soppy). you want to get away and have some peace and soon as you do you want to be right back where you belong…(and after 5 minutes of screaming and crying your wishing you enjoyed your freedom that little bit more haha…) when is the next night out again? Next year?

I have grown up since becoming a mum, you have to. When Henry was born I was so desperately fighting against being an ‘adult’. I was always a bit like that. Giving off the impression of a pampered princess! The truth is I was truly spoilt, we never had loads of money growing up but we were always loved and had most things we wanted. It wasn’t always like that though, there were some really dark times when my parents divorced and growing up, it was difficult.

Having your own children often brings to light past Traumas and also makes you reflect on what your parents must have gone through themselves becoming parents. You stop being the child and you become a person,an adult. They become people just like you and not just mum and dad. My parents were so young when they had me and my sister! Must have been hard. I guess all that is a story for another day.

Although not always positive. I am so Happy, sometimes bored of being sensible, but happy. Sometimes you feel bad because there is nothing wrong with your life but you can feel sad. It could just be a phase as Monty is only 4 months and my body is still recovering. Maybe I’m doing too much and overdoing it, who knows.

It’s a lot less hectic than things were in my 20s and I don’t think I would want to do that again. I feel so much more sure of myself and confident but it has also made me reflect on relationships and friendships that have not always being good for me. I feel more confident in owning my opinions and walking away from unnecessary drama. I enjoy feeling somewhat established and settled with my family, it’s what Ive always wanted.

It’s not always easy and it’s not always Christmas Day….but most days are fun! And somedays are tough but that’s family life. We stick together and support one another.

Having been away recently with friends, it was very rewarding to be told how well behaved they thought our boys were. I felt very proud and also baffled. As their mum I think I worry far too much what others think sometimes and almost strive for perfection as I am naturally a perfectionist. But actually it made me stop and think, she was right they are well behaved, lovely, polite little boys that sometimes liked to throw food and numerous other objects at each other. I guess there is something positive that I must be doing something right? Even though it doesn’t feel like it? I’m positive I’m doing my very best and I think as a parent that’s all you can do. so Whatever tips you read, articles, blogs. It’s all advice…take it or leave it but you know what is best for your kids and your family so believe in yourself. Xxx

Three:One

Three:One

Three times as tired

Three times as hard

Three times as divided

A survivor so far

Three times the fun

Three times the cheer

Three times the laughter

Also so much fear

Three times the nappies

Three times the smells

Three times the mess

Sometimes it feels like hell

Three times in ore

Three times overwhelmed

Three times consumed

In all the things you do

When all is said and done, three times!, it’s lots of fun.

Three little boys blessed from above, unconditionally adored by

One Mothers Love

Book Reviewing

Book Reviewing

Let’s Talk To Mummy’s Tummy

On my Journey becoming a blogger I have engaged with some very wonderful, interesting and inspiring people. One in particular, a fellow Yorkshire Lass, Mummy and Author Helen Lacey. A mum of four daughters, 3 cats and 2 dogs! She has found time to Write this amazing book. Such a simple concept but explained beautifully with enough detail and understanding for you and your little ones.

Having another child can often be worrying. When I was pregnant with my second child I was worried how My first would feel about it, would he be upset, would he be worried, Jealous, excited. He was too young to explain to at the time. When my third child was born he was much more clued up. ‘Mummy’s baby in tummy’ I used apps but I didn’t really explain to him about what was happening to mummy. I was in hospital for a while after as well which was very confusing. I wish I would have had this book to help show and explain to him.

My eldest (2 1/2 years) loved the book and the illustrations. He instantly associated the baby with his new baby brother (3months old now) and he also recognised ‘mummy’s big tummy!’ He loved the pictures of ‘baby and his tail’ (the cord) and watching it grow from each page (the baby not the tail)

I think it would definitely benefit children of a slightly older age. However, it is very interactive and the stickers provided make it for fun learning and bonding for all the family, even great nanny. I would highly recommend this book and will be reading to my children if I decide to have a forth child..Helen I might need some more tips and advice about life with four!

Thank you so much for this beautiful book and for inspiring me.

If you are interested in purchasing this book I would highly recommend.

Stephy xxx

Available from Amazon: £14.99

Let’s talk to Mummy’s tummy https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916487408/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_oDR7Cb781P0AK

A Loneliness

A Loneliness

Loneliness

Here I am attempting to look concerned but I’m really just showing off my sisters amazing make-up skills. She’s one reason I feel lonely, having a sister living in Exeter is not easy. I miss her a lot right now.

We talk about the elderly and how awful loneliness is…people still seem surprised that as a new mum you can be lonely but it’s a reality for many mums.

From my experience there are too types of loneliness. There is the obvious, the lack of friends, meeting up with people, feeling like you have no friends since becoming a mum.

Then there is the loneliness that people don’t want to talk about, the shameful one. The one where you are lonely despite been surrounded by your children, friends, family. This is a headspace that I think a lot of mums go to…it’s a space where I can only describe as…lost? A feeling that no one understands you anymore but what’s worse is that you do not understand yourself.

Lonely mums are not always lonely because they choose to be but sometimes the lonely choice is the better option…less anxiety that way, no judgement and no feeling out of your comfort zone. Loneliness, wanting to make new friends and be social, be connected in some way to the world and the only way to do that is to be with people. It’s wanting to make that call, send that message, meet up for a coffee but for whatever reason you hold back.

I often think social media is one of the main reasons we are all walking around with anxiety. For example, how many people see an incoming phone call…don’t answer the first time…pause…then either call back or more than likely text! Admit it! You have at least done it once! I have! Omg my friend is ringing but I’m anxious what will they say shit! I can’t possibly talk on the phone?!?? Haha I’ll text her back instead.

What is with this? Have we all become disconnected sociopaths? Don’t interact unless it’s via social media that way we have a shield up and we can be our persona online, the one that has all the confidence in the world.

I challenge you all this week, instead of texting…pick up the phone and call your friend, Mum, partner, relative. After the phone call…how does it feel? Are you smiling? Do you feel connected? Do you feel more anxious?…not as bad as you think?

since I have become a mum and now I’m not working, it feels very lonely and isolated sometimes. I am so under confident at making friends which is bizarre because on the outside I appear confident, chatty, eccentric and very vocal! However, the truth is whenever I speak to anyone these days I am anxious as fuck and worry that I’m not ‘doing it right’ or I’m staring funny. I feel like I’ve become ‘antisocial’ which is ridiculous because I love socialising, and I’m totally social but it’s hard getting out with 3 babies and I suppose it’s a turn off right?! Maybe hang out with one baby but 3?! ‘Mate I’ll see you in 16 years, I don’t want my house wrecking’ 😂

I’ve made a point in the gym classes of saying good morning to people and smiling! I think some people think I’m mad! No one seems to smile these days or give anyone eye contact. I don’t mean you have to stare them out but just a friendly nod and smile…it feels good!

I even had a conversation today with a lady I knew from work, she asked me where I was working now! I said I wasn’t and I was at home with 3 kids (I miss nursing, I do) I started to over share on how I left on bad terms! Lolol soon went sour…is spin class ready?….spin class is in the dark, it’s like a disco and because of the previous class I ran in to avoid anymore social awkwardness…I attempted to mount a bike but I felt a leg! I was attempting to mount said person already on the bike SORRY…I’m not that lonely..honest 😂 …

You have to laugh don’t you, anyway I didn’t dare say bye….but I’ve reached out an olive branch on Facebook, where we can be friends but without having to chat or interact….

Food for Thought

‘All alone again…on the road again….just me and my donut….’ (Quote NB)

‘Fat Club’

‘Fat Club’

(Bridget sums me up completely)

MAINTAINED wtf

The disappointment you feel when you go to slimming club and it’s…the same. I mean even when you put a few pounds on at least you own it and get a drive to do better next week. But to maintain! That’s dry…especially when you have worked your fat arse off in the gym and actually did 4 classes in a day on Sunday!! Not to mention the fresh air you have been eating. I try my best but it’s hard to Enjoy ‘fat club’. I’m crap because I never stay I want to get in and out of there quick time and I don’t want to listen to the stories of how you can freeze a muller light to make it be like an ice cream treat, fuck that Pauline. (Sorry if anyone is actually called Pauline and goes to group, It’s just a name that popped into my head for expression and it is such a fab idea you are right good for you! Truth is I don’t know your names because I leave so fast 😂👏🏻💕)

I swear I have stuck to this diet!! The only thing I guess I have done this week is have a few carbs…oh and a segment! yes a segment of milky bar…and a vegetarian sausage! It’s Hardly call the police diet behaviour… it’s so disheartening.

I wish I had maintained a healthy diet while pregnant for the last 3/4 years but I figured I was pregnant so it was a get out of jail card for eating what the hell I wanted! Man I am paying the price now and it’s such hard work trying to get the weight off! It’s a real struggle…

So shut your eyes now if you don’t want no spoilers 😂…this is Me now…in all my glory…

(and in my Bridget big pants too)

I’ve never been that worried about my weight but I have always been a heavy person. I have put on 4 stone since having the boys! I know it’s only natural to put on weight when pregnant but 4 stone! Nah it needs to go and I’m determined to get rid.

I’ve always been lucky with my weight because I am tall so can mask it easy, a few cheeky pounds here or there. I’m probably the only fat person with Crohn’s aswell because even having a disease I am not thin! Can’t win! Thought there would be some advantage to Crohn’s but nooo not for me….you do get a ‘can’t wait card’ so you can have VIP loo access (score!) 😂 anyway….(too much info)

I’ve never been worried about my weight but it’s more that I want to be fit, active and healthy and confident. We are never going to look like we did when we were 18 lol but In my mind you want to live up to that. BUT 31 now with 3 kids and yes you have obtained your mum bod so embrace it!

As a kid I remember thinking ‘why does my mum go to a fat club?’ lol How weird and now I’m grown up and doing the same thing. You never think it will come to you. I was always told you will have to watch what you eat someday but it’s so true as you get older the easier it is to gain weight and the harder it is to loose it.

Weight it’s very obviously a very personal and an individual concept. You could be 50st and rocking it (although maybe not that healthy) but some people are happy that way and you know what good for them. Same to the person who is like 2st (not healthy either and probably exaggerating a little here) but that might be their happy weight. We are all different sizes, shapes, weights. We should celebrate who we are and not be defined by numbers. It’s like sometimes you can get annoyed like the skinny bitch is saying she’s fat?! But to her she might be it’s all about perception…you might look at someone bigger and think they are the same to you never thought of them as fat, thin or anything but to them they might feel awful. It’s all about your own perception. And it shouldn’t be about what others think of you anyway.

So as I said I have never been bothered by my weight. However, The only time I had a problem with food was when I first started university. At the time I had been dumped by my boyfriend. So much change had happened and moving out of home, I started to binge on fast food and throw up! (I know!) I wouldn’t call myself bulimic but I guess it was. I was so unhappy. I wasn’t even worried about being fat as such it was more emotional and I got a buzz from doing it as no-one knew, I also hated myself. I went to the gym and was obsessed. I would run there and back and do 2 hours cardio. I was addicted! This carried on for about a year and I went to the doctors, moved back home and all my anxiety stopped. It was only then that I addressed my issues and went back to normal as such and didn’t worry about food. It was a funny phase and I’ve never done anything like that since.

I wish I had the drive to go to the gym now! I go mind you but my thought process before is so trying to tell me not to

1. You look like a lobster when you work out 🏋️‍♂️

2. People will laugh at your fat arse

3. It hurts

4. I’m tired

5. I hate it

6. Why god why (crying)

7. What’s the point

8. I can just work out at home( I won’t)

Ohhhh kkk change thinking, pretend you like it…and it’s a break from the kids…gets in car 😂🙌🏻

(Told you, LOBSTER! for at least 2 hours after)

There is so much about life to enjoy and what we should do is be proud of who we are because guess what… there is only 1 of you, yes you! And you are unique in every way, there is no one else that is YOU. So you have to do your own thing and stop comparing yourself, your body, your weight to anyone else because you will fail every time. There is only ONE of YOU and how amazing is that! In this whole world (because you never know you could be duplicated in an alternate universe but that is far too deep and I won’t go into all that). WOW though pretty amazing.

The main reason for me wanting to loose weight is because I don’t like my body like it is. I feel like the fat doesn’t belong to me so I’m getting rid it ain’t mine sorry bye bye! Doesn’t mean I want to be a twig. I just want to feel comfortable, happy and feeling good. I couldn’t care less about stretch marks! I’m covered in them on my stomach, legs and whatever! I’ve had 3 kids and I refuse to be ashamed of them.

For all of you out there feeling the struggle just remember to take a day at a time be patient, resilient and give it time! And do not be hard on yourself! If it was so easy to loose weight then we would but it’s hard graft. If you slip up so what! but one thing you can’t do is give up! Why? Because you have to respect yourself and not give up on your journey WHY? Because you are worth it and deserve to be happy. Do it for yourself, not for the kids not for your partner, not to prove to your mates, do it for you.. and if you are happy as you are then just embrace yourself as you are in the here and now because it can all change in a second. Appreciate life, what you are, what you have, what you may do, become, is for tomorrow.

So I haven’t got the perfect body…define perfect?! So I’ve got a fat arse?! So I’ve got stretch marks? You know what I am still fit! (yes bigheaded…or just deciding not to me mean to myself) and I am really happy. What’s that worth? The perfect body? I know what I would rather have and that’s everything I have right now.

Maintained…you know what…I’ll take it.

Three is the magic number?!

Three is the magic number?!

3 is the magic number…

…3 is HARD WORK believe me. 3 is not for the faint hearted. I have always been able to cope in certain situations…a persona known as ‘army mode steph’ she is permanently around now. It’s a full time military operation, mission SURVIVAL!!!!!!!!!

My blog has been neglected recently so I will check in when I can in and amongst the sleep deprivation, new born, toddlers and daily Grind I am swamped in.

Outnumbered and alone the majority of the time, I cope the only way I know how by prioritising care, maintaining safety and risk assessing, performing hygiene needs, communication and stamina…id like to say that my nurse training prepared me for looking after people and thus children …but it didn’t…give me 10 patients any day…Looking after kids, well it’s different put it that way.

My main life line is routine. I don’t like to think I am too strict but in order to cope and have some form of sanity,routine is the way to go believe me. Not only that but I think it’s good to have some form of structure it’s just my way. Start as you mean to go on and stick to it as hard as it may be initially. Set meal times, and a good night time routine. I have always made sure of it and I am thankful now as both older boys go to bed nicely and sleep the whole night through. Newborn, I am hoping he will get the hang of sleeping eventually and I don’t expect sleep for at least 6 months in but it’s hard work staying awake in the night and then waking up at 630/7 to start the day with 3 kids.

The days are long 0630 – 0730 everyday…longer if husband is on-call. Most dads are home at tea time…not ours. He’s busy making sure patients are looked after and we are so proud but we miss him lots and it’s lonely.

Long days everyday…but even longer now because I’m with newborn 24/7 but 1 to me is a break now 😂👍🏻

Thinking of having 3 babies…here’s

some insight…

1. Don’t…but if you do remember I told you so 😂👍🏻⚠️

2. if you are crazy enough to do it be prepared… mentally. Know that it isn’t going to be perfect and you are not perfect have low expectations and take each day as it comes, know that some plans won’t come to light and sometimes you might not leave the house.

3. There is always one crying at some point in the day and you can’t get there because your carrying out a task or giving one attention etc

4. Having them so close in age means triple the nappies to change although One is nearly out of them in the daytime🙏🏻

5. You need two grey bins but it’s near impossible to get…

6. You cannot stop. Take your eye off the ball, slack off and you will regret it. Keep on top of it and maintain the peace or…rest and watch the drama unfold. Leave the room for 1 second and boom…

-faeces on the floor

-pen all over the doors and all over arms like a tattoo sleeve

-curtain rail pulled out of the wall

-photo frame sword fights

-climbing on the toy kitchen

-throwing the fire place rocks

-shampooing the carpet, hair and new clothes before we go out (where did That come from?!)

It doesn’t take much for me to cry these days it’s so tough but gosh they are cute and loving. I would not change a thing…just have a scheduled spa day…hire a nanny?!…Just kidding 😉🤣

Somedays are good, somedays are bad, somedays you make mistakes, somedays a success, somedays you feel like you can’t do it anymore but you have to keep going. All days worry, all days fear, all days guilt. But you know why? It’s because you care and you are a GOOD MUM so don’t be hard on yourself okay. That goes to all of you…you are more important now than you have ever been even though each day you often feel you are doing nothing profound…you are.

My boys …xxx